27

be 27. 

what's change? 

nothing. just me myself had come to one understanding on how unclear roads i've chose, how muddy and uneven it is.. 

n how sensitive i've been as a person. with everything. 

n how a wreck i am inside. just how my heart beats lost its rhyme just in one second and how my emotion turns from happy smiley to my heart content to sad until i cant hold my tears in one beat. 

n how hyprocite, multiple face n a liar i've become. not to anyone but myself. push unhappy but reality things somewhere and fill my heart with unfinished cinderella dreams, just so i can endure all this.

with all the mantra.

its okay, everythings fine. 

i'm fine, there's nothing wrong. 

oh, i know there's possibility it'll come to this, i can handle this. 

i can do this tomorrow. 

lets do one thing at one time, ok..

think bout this later. 

one step at a time. 

smile, be happy.

u can do this alone.

its ur choice, be responsible. 

problems are meant to be solved, thats okay. 

there's someone that more unlucky than u are. 

dont compare u n another. 

look at nothing but yourself, just you. 

things will get better soon. 

etc.

.

.

alone

happy new year to u! 

there's too many things i want to share to u. there's too many emotions, i feel i wanna burst on the spot.. 

but 

u r not here, to talk to, to hear me, to cheer me up. 

haih...

kalau la dia tau apa yang aku boleh bagi 

semua

perasaan sayang aku pada dia, 

cukup untuk aku, dia dan anak2

perasaan sayang aku pda dia, 

cukup untuk aku, dia harungi semuanya

tapi 

aku tau 

perasaan dia pada aku, 

tidak cukup biarpun untuk dia saja. 

kisah lama... 

kadang2 aku rasa aku sudah gila. 

20150624

yang, i need u. 

1oo

its not about who was wrong or what's changed at that time. 

it's just he's already reached his limit about us.

and i'm sorry i put you through all that...

me

its not because of you. its never be because of you.. 

its always me. 

its me 15 years ago.. 

its me 12 years ago..

its me 10 years ago..

its me these last 6 years..

and its still me now... 

in this hectic day for mind and body..,

until you step up to the plate and swing, you're just pretending to play the game... 

thats true. totally.. people tends to think first the worst senario before do something to prepare him/herself for what will happen while conducting something. 

its a good thing. thats human kind of protective manner. but! but if we think too much of it, it may give your strength a weak booster and finally may let your brain to let yourself to not doing it. give it up before you even try to feel it. 

stand up. trust youself. your mental and physical will give you response if they think tou cant handle it. but until then, enjoy new things, give your body and soul extra happy thing to consume.. 

p/s; this is for myself since i have this poster conference next week and i will go there alone. from the lab to the venue and presentation..

may Allah protect and guide and give me enough courage.. prat for me ok..